The other day I came home to find a manila envelope completely dominating the space in my tiny mailbox. It was hand addressed to me and had what seemed to be way more stamps on it than it probably needed – it wasn’t heavy, it was just larger than normal, about the size of a restaurant menu.
Inside it was a note from a friend of mine along with a small package of unrecognizable food and a dollar bill. The note said, “This dollar is yours to keep if you eat this dried fruit patty. Looks delicious….give it a try!”
Well, on one hand I was happy to have someone looking out for me and sending me nourishing food – on the other hand I was a bit skeptical of eating anything that involved me receiving money in exchange for eating it. I mean, why would you need to give me money to try something unless it was awful.
So imagine a small dense patty made up of semi-hard fruit bits. I didn’t just ease into it with tiny nibble, I full committed and took a healthy bite. After the first bit made contact with my tongue I for some reason felt compelled to look at the packaging to see what the expiration date was. There was none. Nope, because this thing could last for centuries. I had to chew for quite a long time…it’s good practice if you’re trying to teach children to chew 20 times before they swallow. There’s a certain grittiness to it that I couldn’t quite discern and the ingredients didn’t list sawdust, so who knows what it was.
I’m keeping the dollar.
Oh, and if you want to send me things, go ahead. See if you can top the mystery fruit patty.
Thank you for taking the time to drop me a handwritten note in the mail. While a few people have sent me stationery, you have the distinct honor of being the first person to do two unique things with your letter.
The first is sending me food and the second is sending me money – both are things that I enjoy very much, so please accept my most sincere thanks. I am eating the mixed fruit snack as I write you this note (sorry if the paper got a bit sticky). I’m not sure I have ever had anything quite like it and I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Assuming I don’t fall deathly ill from the mixed fruit snack – we should find time to meet up. I miss you guys.
P.S. As per the terms of your note, I am holding on to the dollar.