Years ago my dad bought me a book called The Lazlo Letters. It’s a collection of real letters sent by an overzealous and awkwardly patriotic crusader named Lazlo Toth. The man behind this persona was Don Novello, a comedic genius who wrote for Saturday Night Live for several years and later returned to the show as Father Guido Sarducci.
Anyway, the book is full of letters that this seemingly caring yet inappropriate citizen writes letters to companies, political figures, celebrities, etc. with uncomfortable praise and often laughable suggestions. They’re hilarious. I later bought his second book: Citizen Lazlo.
With enormous respect and admiration for Lazlo Toth, I penned the following letter.
I recently embarked on a journey of writing handwritten letters every day for a year – you are Day 29! In a way, your books, The Lazlo Letters and Citizen Lazlo, inspired me to take on this adventure. I understand you have another book called From Bush to Bush, but I haven’t read that one and can’t find it in any bookstores. Pehaps you should try to place your books in stationery stores since people who read your books probably like to write letters! I give you that tip for free.
You always used to say, “You send out letters, you get back letters, that’s for sure!” I actually think you should consider changing your quote slightly because my experience is that you don’t always get a letter back. Perhaps these would work better:
“You send out letters, you might get letters back if you include return postage”
“You send out letters, you will definitely wait a long time to get a response”
“If you forget to write someone and lie about having sent them an email, they probably won’t believe you that it got lost in cyberspace, but if you say that you sent them snail mail, there’s no telling where that letter is at!”
You can use all of them for free.
By the way, I was disappointed you didn’t throw your hat in the 2003 California gubernatorial recall election ring. You would have won. Your history with Richard M. Nixon would have trumped any power move that Schwarzenegger could have thrown your way. But I saw Conan the Barbarian and get it if you were intimidated by him.
Keep writing, don’t give up on us now – when we need you the most!!
Your fan and friend,
PS Happy belated birthday – you’re the only person I know with a birthday on New Years Day.
PPS Go Lakeside Dragons! Fight! Fight! Fight!
Enclosed: Forever Stamp